Heather can be a real tease. The Loser asks her to take off her clothes. She takes off just her top. "Keep going?" she asks. Keep going. She takes off her pants. "Keep going?" "Keep going, keep going!" the Loser begs. Finally, she has all of her clothes off, and it's an impressive sight. The Loser expresses actual excitement. "You got the body. Are you ready to suck some dick?" he asks. "Yes," she says. Then a moment of hesitation. "Yours?" After she overcomes her initial disappointment-what did she expect, Sean Michaels to show up?" -Heather gives a spectacular BJ, deep-throating, gargling cock, sucking balls, spitting on the Loser's dick, giving him the kind of blow job he'd only dreamed of. Listen, we're going to say this right here: As of this moment, Heather is the BJ champion of PornLoser.com. A few basic facts about Heather: 5'4", 104 pounds, 32-22-32 from New York City. Blue eyes, long, blonde hair, obviously very experienced in the sack. A chick doesn't suck cock like Heather does the first time.

As "Porn Loser" girls go, Tori is as horny as they come. The amazing part is that she stays horny throughout the scene, even when the Loser is fucking her. Even when he has to interrupt her doggie-style pussy poking to adjust one of the cameras, leaving her without a cock in her cunt and us with, thankfully, a view of her ass, pussy and asshole, courtesy of a secondary camera. Tori is 5'5", 128 pounds of fun from Minnesota (she's now living in Los Angeles). She has green eyes, brown hair, measures 34-28-36 and smiles and giggles a lot, especially when she's talking about sex. We've rarely seen a girl this enthusiastic, especially prior to her first scene. "I always have these crazy ideas about sex, and I masturbate like crazy," she tells us. "I'm really sexually open." We find out how wild and crazy she is even before she goes down on the Loser's cock. Even the way Tori takes off her top and skirt seems to scream, "Fuck me," as she squats on the floor, as if she were waiting for the Loser to bring over his cock. He doesn't, but she goes on with her striptease, doing more stripping than teasing. "I want to make you real hard," she says. That's easier said than done with the Loser, who doesn't respond the way 99.9% of the hetero male world would as Tori proceeds to give him a great blow job: hands-free, deep into the mouth, making smacking noises when the cock leaves her mouth, asking,"Do you like that?" Licking and slurping up and down on his cock, making humming noises, licking his balls. Finally, the Loser responds, but just when she's got some good wood to suck, he invites her to jump on top of his cock, something he never does. "Do you like my pussy?" Tori asks. The camera fuck-up happens a few minutes later, but by that point, we're so turned-on by Tori that we forget who's fucking her. Oh, yeah. The Loser. Ya had to remind us?

A little over a minute into this video, Gem takes off her top and skirt, revealing a super-tight, super-curvy body in a black bra and sexy matching panties. At this point, a normal man would express some admiration for Gem--or as the Loser always refers to it, "what we're working with here." But not the Loser, who doesn't say a word, leaving Gem to stand there awkwardly, waiting for some glimmer of approval. Finally, when Gem has all of her clothes off, the Loser says, "Awesome. Great body. Very hot." But it seems like too little, too late, especially for a hot piece of ass like Gem. A few basic facts about Gem. She's from England. She's 21 years old. This is her first scene. She's 165 centimeters tall and weights 54 kilos. That's 5'4", 119 pounds for those of you in the United States side of the pond. She's a little girl, but she apparently has a big mouth because she practically throats the Loser, which might not be saying much but is definitely saying something. A nice added touch is how Gem sucks the Loser's rod through his boxers. This girl definitely has a future. The Loser clearly has no future as a porn director or videographer, as this scene clearly proves. He sets back the art of P.O.V. Videography two-dozen years with some camera work that takes us right out of the action or too close to the action. But, as usual, there's enough here to keep us jacking. The blow job scene. The way Gem looks at the camera. Her shaved pussy, which really deserves better. But, hey, this is amateur stuff, right? And if we wanted pro-amateur porn, there's plenty of that out there. So, the Loser gets the job done, the girl gets laid and has a scene to add to her resume and we get off. So who's complaining?

Welcome back to PornLoser.com, home of the only man in the world who can have a beautiful, young woman say to him, "I'm a nympho,"and not ask for details. The nympho in question is Kelsey Michaels, a 5'3" 105-pound brunette from Nashville, Tennessee. In what ways is she a nympho? What are some of her nympho adventures? If you brush up against her, will her pussy start juicing? We don't get the answers to any of those questions because the Loser doesn't bother asking them. There are many things we can say about Kelsey. She's sexy, horny, has a beautiful body and can really suck a cock. There's one thing we can say about the Loser: He got a new couch. And it's a beauty! This time, let's focus a little more on the girl and a little less on the Loser. First off, Kelsey is a flattie, and a lot of guys like that. Like we said, she's a very good cock sucker, and she does nice things with her lips during the deep-sucking motion, stuff that cushions the cock shaft during the up and down motion. Seems that at the young age of 18, she's already learned to keep her teeth out of the way, which is something that's hard for guys to imagine doing (considering that teeth are, in most cases, attached to the rest of the mouth). She moans sweetly while she's riding the Loser's cock. Her fuck shoes are a nice addition to the package, and the Loser is smart enough to have her keep them on throughout the scene. Or maybe he didn't realize she was wearing them. Finally, her ass looks shapely and fuckable in all positions. One more thing about Kelsey: She seems to be totally unaware of the cameras. That's a good thing because in this scene, we really get the feeling that we're eavesdropping on two people having sex. Kelsey really starts getting into it near the end, and the Loser puts in one of his better performances, even fucking her hard in the piledriver position before shooting his load. Overall, a good show.

Our mothers used to tell us, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." The Loser's mother should have told him, "If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything." But the Loser was never told this. Or maybe he was and he didn't listen. So here's the situation, fellas. Put yourself in the Loser's shoes: You have a sexy, 22-year-old redhead sitting on your couch. She's wearing a red, strapless top and a short, black skirt that's slit all the way up her leg. She's in your house because she wants to fuck. That's the only reason she's there. But she seems a little nervous. So what would you do? Put her at ease? Try to calm her down? Make her laugh? Talk about sex? That's what we would do. But what does the Loser do? He asks Andi about her friends and relatives back home. He asks, "What're you gonna do if they find out?" In other words, the thing she's probably most nervous about is the thing he decides to ask her about. Way to put the girl at ease, Loser. But he doesn't stop there. "Nervous?" he asks her. "A little," Andi says. "That's okay," Loser says. "So am I." At this point, it's a miracle the scene ever gets shot, but give Andi, who's a paramedic, all the credit. She uses her mouth to resuscitate what should be a disaster and works his cock nicely. Even when the phone rings-hasn't the Loser ever heard of turning off the ringer while shooting a scene?-she keeps going until he drops his load on her face. At least he's good for something.

The Loser spends the first portion of this scene trying to convince Chelsie that she should be nervous and that everyone she's ever known in her entire life is going to find out about this. He seems to be trying to talk her out of doing the scene, which is amazing considering she's one hot piece of ass--beautiful face, tight body, blonde hair, green eyes-and he paid her only $800. Yeah, you read that right! $800! A chick like Chelsie should've added a few zeroes onto that to let a guy like the Loser fuck her. "What makes you think you can do this?" the Loser asks her. What makes the Loser think he can do this when we have hard proof that he can't? So, after the Loser fails to convince Chelsie that she shouldn't take the money and shouldn't do the scene, she gets down on her knees and gives him a very enthusiastic blow job. And the rest is history. As the scene continues and the Loser manages to pound Chelsie with his reasonably hard cock, we are left to ponder the big questions of life: What won't some chicks do to get into porn? How lucky are we to live in a world in which hot chicks will let total losers fuck them? And, isn't the pussy a wonderful thing? Loser finishes fucking her and cums on Chelsie's face. All for $800. Bargain.